I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I had to cum in my sink.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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