so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
