whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
