? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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