i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
this will be a night to untag.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
