Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
