life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
