life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
