considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
