Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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