I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
