His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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