Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
