i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Your cock deserves a montage
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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