david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
