barbara walters just said penis...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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