susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
