I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
