Well apparently he's into motor boating.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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