Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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