we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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