oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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