the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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