If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
