Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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