I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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