I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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