Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
