hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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