dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
