yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This baby is an asshole
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
