If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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