Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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