What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
