we made out on top of his cat.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
