Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
