well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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