This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize