Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
