Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
