so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We need to rekindle our bromance
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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