I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
