I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
