Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize