Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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