Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
