fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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