Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
