I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
