Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
