mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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