I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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