You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
