Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My balls are so social today.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
