Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Still dying that you shit outside
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize