Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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