im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
