A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
