just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize