His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
