Can Purell be used as lube?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
