I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
