So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
