I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
