i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
