i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
