The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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