Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
