I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
