That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
