Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
