Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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