your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
His hands were made for my vagina.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
