I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Holy shit dude........stairs
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
