A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
