census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize